silent night

on this year's christmas eve, i went to the church with melissa and her mother. i am very glad that i did, because it made my christmas eve slightly different from my previous ones; a better, a less commercialized, a less happening but meaningful silent night.

i like the preach very much. the rector talked about the gift of life - the real christmas gift from God. apart from that, he also talked about the real meaning of peace - that peace begins from our inner heart. but unfortunately, these are the only parts of the preach that i am capable of recalling now. i wish i could remember them, and use them as a reminder, but sadly i cannot.

i have came to a conclusion that the pain that accumulated in me for months is gradually evolving to something else, something that i am still unsure yet. it could be anger, or anguish, or despair, or indifference, or fear, or realisation or..  something unidentifiable. but whatever it is going to grow into, which i don't really care, i am relieved that the sorrow that lay burrowed in the heart had stopped multiplying, at least at this moment.

that night in the church, my heart is so light and calm, for once.

"and man will live forever more, because of christmas day"