tonight...

i feel guilty. because i've been procrastinating like nobody's business. can someone please whack my head with a 14 inch fry pan, pretty please? 

now that this blog has fewer readers, i actually felt more comfortable. guess i'm just too weird. 

recently, i found that a few people around me cant quite figure out why the hell did i come back so soon.  to be honest, it's complicated. well, maybe not. maybe it's just because i don't know how to express my thoughts, and explain it to everyone. all i can say is that this is a decision that is not being made hastily. when i first decided to go on this trip of my life, i did not set a deadline for myself. well fine, ideally i could stay there for a year. live a life that i won't be able to get a second chance to do it again. but if you know me well, i live my life in a very freestyle kind of way - because i always believe firmly that you can't plan for life. because the best thing happens usually without planning. because i believe life will lead me to where i'm supposed to be itself. 

i guess because i'm afraid that people might not approve my way of living my life, i don't have the courage to voice out my thoughts. i'm afraid of being labelled as naive, childish, and unrealistic.

back to the part about me not setting a deadline for myself, that is because i know that when the moment i know i want to go home comes, i'll go home. it's a strange feeling, but that thing just came itself all of a sudden.. so far, i guess i've achieved what i wanted to achieve; maybe not all, but most of it. the only thing that i regret would be the fact that i didn't have enough money to visit more places, and see more things. and spend more time with my new friends. but that wouldn't be one regret in my life, because i understood clearly that it's not easy to earn and save money at the same time when you have to feed yourself and survive in a big city. and that, i can always go back if i want.

it is a fruitful journey. it is not a gold-digging trip (even though AUD is so much higher than MYR) it's not a backpacking trip, it's a journey of rediscovering myself, and a journey that changed my life irreparably. the strangers/friends/travellers that i met will be remembered (yes this includes the weird Queensland old man that talked to me at St Kilda). the beautiful things that filled my eye will be missed, not forgetting my favourite ice-cream. all in all, the experiences i had would never be put into a box labelled "australia", they were part of forming me as a person. i'm glad that i signed myself up for this. and i wanna thank myself for being so courageous, for once in my life.

so, what's next? can't wait.